MY FRIEND
Kahlil Gibran




My friend, I am not what I seem. Seeming is but a garment I wear -- a care-woven garment that protects me from thy questionings and thee from my negligence.

The "I" in me, my friend, dwells in the house of silence, and therein it shall remain for ever more, unperceived, unapproachable.

I would not have thee believe in what I say nor trust in what I do -- for my words are naught but thy own thoughts in sound and my deeds thy own hopes in action.

When thou sayest, "The wind bloweth eastward," I say, "Aye, it doth blow eastward"; for I would not have thee know that my mind doth not dwell upon the wind but upon the sea.

Thou canst not understand my seafaring thoughts, nor would I have thee understand. I would be at sea alone.

When it is day with thee, my friend, it is night with me; yet even then I speak of the noontide that dances upon the hills and of the purple shadow that steals its way across the valley; for thou canst not hear the songs of my darkness nor see my wings beating against the stars -- and I fain would not have thee hear or see. I would be with night alone.

When thou ascendest to thy Heaven I descend to my Hell -- even then thou callest to me across the unbridgeable gulf, "My companion, my comrade," and I call back to thee, "My comrade, my companion" -- for I would not have thee see my Hell. The flame would burn thy eyesight and the smoke would crowd thy nostrils. And I love my Hell too well to have thee visit it. I would be in Hell alone.

Thou lovest Truth and Beauty and Righteousness; and I for thy sake say it is well and seemly to love these things. But in my heart I laugh at thy love. Yet I would not have thee see my laughter. I would laugh alone.

My friend, thou art good and cautious and wise; nay, thou art perfect -- and I, too, speak with thee wisely and cautiously. And yet I am mad. But I mask my madness. I would be mad alone.

My friend, thou art not my friend, but how shall I make thee understand? My path is not thy path, yet together we walk, hand in hand.

 

In Class


In Class, I close my eyes. I look aroundto see the people around me. Everyone has a story to tell, a dream to live, a desire to fulfil, a choice to make.

All 46 of us, however aimless we seem to be the moment we stepped in, are heading somewhere. Tomorrow, the entire human race, and otherwise, will be dependent on us, for whatever we have to offer to them. Be it an improvement in the way they lead their life, or, in the form of a disgrace for them to pity us, and hate us.

the world will reciprocate. Whatever we do to them, they will make sure the reaction reaches us too. If i choose to be an oppressor someday, I will be made to suffer as a victim on the other. I might be 'the single largest reason' for a nuclear war(god forbid), who knows. I believ i am capable of causing such a catastrophe. I have a sane mind in the current context of matters, but, I find it very difficult to predict the condition of my own self in the years to come. What scares me most is, the rest of the 45 are like me. They will be given a choice, a crucial one.And they 'will' choose. All Satan(and his ppl) need is, one greedy mind amongst us all.

However hard the society tries and spends on us, we fail to predict what will come of us.
We may contribute heavily to make the world a tad bit more rosy and safe.
We may help an old lady cross the road.(maybe that's all we'll ever do).
We may strive hard and help our own selves in whatever way we can, all in the permitted domain of the rules.

But, the nature works on balance. I find it hard to imagine all 46 of us going ahead with our lives and ultimately staying in the goodbooks when out time of reckoning arrives. I see atleast one of us turning evil(and a very cruel one at that), and knowingly pursuing the road to the ever hungry dragon, who'll eat my friend`s goodwill and infuse in him all hatred that my poor innocent(not anymore) friend would ever feel the need of.

I want to identify him, the villian,and, eliminate him. His parents' grief is as good having him dead as seeing him standing among 'the misguided ones'.
Now, i come to the heart of the problem. I don't know who he is. It could be my friend sitting next to me. In fact, It could 'me' for all i know.
Now that i have to choose, i want the villian of my story to be that guy i hate who sits in the front. But, the larger picture prohibits me from being assuming.
The villian should stand out form the rest of the class. I want him to show up by himself.
Come on, dude, stand up, your time(that is still to begin) is up, already.

Had your bath?!!

What is it that occupies your mind when you are having a harmless routine bath?..

You wake up, drag yourself into the day(some times, waking up is all healthy n fresh too, but thts not my point), get your major daily chore(s) done and over with, and then you enter the bathroom. There's nothing inside the bathroom that guides your mind to think of anything else but the bath itself. But, still, you seldom are aware of the act you are performing.
The bathing part(thats all the part there's supposed to be) is all mechanical. You can have a routine bath even while you are snoring. For me, it starts with the soap, to the shampoo, to the face wash, and ends with the water. There's something to the whole process of this routine that makes you float, that makes you wander off while your body keeps up the cleaning work going. Your brain keeps splashing the water all around you..while your mind is in a different place altogether.

Many go through the whole process in the company of songs or only tunes that makes it more rhythmic. Many start by going through the events that they are looking forward to in the day, before they come back for their next bath.
But, thats just the start. They eventually lose control over their thought process, and as i mentioned earlier, they wander off.
(this blog is not for the ones who take less than a couple of minutes for their baths..that is not called a bath in the first place)
You never think of social issues around you, say, medha patkar's hunger strike, or, the municipal corporation killing all the mad dogs.
You are never political. What happens to israel-lebanon or ayodhya doesnt matter a dime to you.
You are never spiritual. You dont see it as you are cleansing your sins that you've carried on to the next day.

In a way, for me, it is the best time of the day( read a weekend). Because I dont have a control over what i think. It's all random. It always is. Even if you have crossed a lethal deadline in your profession or otherwise, that fear or the search for solution(s), all become secondary.
It is different while crapping. While crapping, you dont move, you just stay stationery and let thing happen to you(!!). For some(read me), its a thorough mental preparation that results in a healthy productive session. Nothing of that sorts when u(i) bathe.

What is it that you actually think of(when u bathe)? I dont suppose science could ever answer this question. The scientists themselves might be victim of the phenomena too.

My RoleModel slips!! I slip!!

I thought it as 'just another' wardrobe malfunction that would create a hype and die down wth the next print..But, this is here to stay i guess..

Everyone has role models. I have mine too, and luckily, someone whoz a dear friend and always has time for me whenever im on the lukout for him. I want to be him. I've been wanting that for quite some time now.

Role models are strong. They are men/women of steel and always find energy to clear those final hurdles. They find their own ways to stay in the news(not tht nbdyz complainin). They hav inpenetrable walls in n around them and u always find sumthng in them tht inspires u, always.

My role modelz walls were penetrated. And the worse part is, the unfortunate incident happend rite in front of me! And very recently.

8:20 pm

I was there, watchng cracks developing around him.

He needed help, i offered none.
He was drowning, n i kept fondling with the rope.
He wanted coffee, i gave him the checque..(out of place i know..)..
He cried, n i took out my camera and..click!!

That is all i did. Why, i know not. But i know who did it to him..it was X. But, for sum reason, i dont hate X. Rather, i wouldnt be surprised if X comes to me and justifes its act. And this is the scary part. I hav filled myself wth doubts over my role model, much to my own disappointment.

8:25 pm

He picked himself up. My role model bounced back strongly and took a stand. His eyes were full of rage and anger. He inspired me, again. We went away together, like nthng happened. I had learnt another important lesson.

8:30 pm

It struck me. What if it happens again. Will i again hav clouds of doubt if the situation arose again? That freak moment might be a signal for a whole new perspective of things yet to come. I might doubt his abilites sometime again.

8:35 pm

I'm ashamed. I turned cold when i was needed most. My moment of bravery was 'lost in trans-ition'. Sorry dear friend. I am so fucked up!..

p.s. I have nothing against X. X has nothing to do with this.

The Airhostess


My name is Vineeta.
I am 43 years old.
I am, an airhostess.
I've worked with indian airlines(now indian) for the past 20 years, starting as a fresh off the block grad with looks attractive enugh to be hired as an airhostess, and since, working my way up to be the chief airhostess amongst the lot.
I am responsible for the overall work load efficieny of the complete duration of the flight, in short, the chief of services in an airplane. I greet people when they enter the plane, I look after their well being throughout the flight and ofcourse, comfort them in the best means possible. Yes, im content with my job.
But, somehow i feel im not welcome on the flight, ever. It was all different till around 5 years back, I used to date my pilots(i hardly had the same guy twice) and all the other pretty groundstaff around..Every single passenger came up to me to guide them to their seats, even the regular ones..I had fun..But not any more..

Today when people come in, they give me 'the look'(auntie, wat r U doin here!)..I dont really pay more attention than required on them(i dont say i ignore them completely), but its just that their eyes say it all and their penetrating looks sink me. Some thoughts i've been able to perfectly decrypt..
- Its a govt airline, Wat was i expeting?!!
- 6K and this wat they give me up front!!
- Oh, plz tell me shez gonna get off before the plane starts.
- My mom as an airhostess!! ya rite..
- Imagine the odds..
- My wife is prettier, im gonna give u tht!..
- christ!!
- Why god, why!!
This is what tourists from other nations have to say,
- India, never learns!!
- I shud've flown kingfisher, hope therez still time to change for the return flight.
- christ!!
- Why god, why!!

I know the looks they give me behind my back when i serve them, always. Some wise crack always passes some comment which ppl find rather amusing, but which hits me with much greater force than even the g forces acting on me, combined.

People, this is a job. One has to be good at being an airhostess to survive for this long in this industry. I am a good airhostess. I am as good as the passengers on my plane. The air hostess tag is not an 'added attraction' coupon that goes with buying the ticket. You are my guest, i am your host. Therez nothing more to it. There never was. I dont believe you pay to watch failed 'models on the ramp' changing lanes and making it big here. Go to your bars n clubs and see those fuckin sluts bare-it-all. And mothefuckas please, stop staring at our chests when we pick up your plates. you disgust us.

I have kids. I have a husband. I never put on mascara at home. But, i do that for you. I dont wake up at 3am for no reason at all. Only so that you may feel good. But, you kill me as soon as you enter through that door. I die a thousand deaths every week, for appareantly no fault of mine.

The flight ends. I stand right there at the exit wishing u a happy day. And you, you avoid a mere eye contact!
I'm sorry if i disappoint you and spoil ur plans(if thr were any, n u had the guts to execute them). the next time u come, u'll again find me. I'll give u another chance, will wish u again(half expecting the same unaltered reaction), but I'll do it. Its my job. Atleast one of us is doing his\her duty expectantly. Have a good day sir.