Misfit

The alarm doesnt ring anymore at 8...
Mornings dont start with a coffee...
Night sets in rather early...
The day seems endless...
People talk in a refined language arnd me...I wanna scream out n curse...
People talk abt Tele sops, rising petrol prices, double murders, my future, their past glories...
People talk shit...
There's no escape...
There's no hostel terrace to run off to for a time out...
There's no room around. which u can bolt n have some peace...
You cant switch off ur cell...Somehow ppl have important things to talk about...
I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

College ended coz it was meant to. We were supposed to move on. We forgot one tiny structure, society. We were individuals with our own set of rules and space. Now we're cramped. U need to have a sense of belonging. You need to belong, behave, act responsibly, eat, offer, share. None at your convenience. Rather, at theirs.

Suddenly these 4 walls i called home, and this mapped city cant seem to do enough to lift my spirits. Not that im not trying. I read, play the entertainer wth relatives, spend time wth frnds(mind u ths r ppl ive missd all ths years), engross in coffee table talks..But(there's always a but) the rush is missing. To exemplify how grave it is gues it'll be enough to tell u tht the pulse getting skyrocketed at the very sight of a babe is replaced now by a short(vry short) lived acknowledgement(a more dull word wud be more appropriate)...

Right now Im a misfit. But im trying. Dont wanna wake up tomorrow n say 'damn! I used to have such great friends. I use to love my life. What a pity I threw it all away.' Im trying..

Plz stay wth me..

As a certain hugh grant said - 'Dont you write me off just yet'.....

I truly wish I speak only for myself..Hope none of u r going thru this turmoil..its tragic, n i bloody hell hope its temporary..

wasSAP

More often than not I've found myself trusting people I should've run away from..
I've been hurt quite a few times..
Other times they should've run away from me..
I've hurt a lot more..
But just this time, with this one person its been a casual n convenient on-off relation that now seems the most perfect of arrangements. 7 years of everything, in every sense of the word!
And just to lay emphasize on the last part, i'll sum up the 7 years in phases
- 'You've got mail' ishtyle friendship. We were awful when together but on individual pc machines we were the best of friends.
- 'I love you.......not....maybe...lets try....sorry not working out.' Yeah, we tried that too. Turned out we were a mismatch from the word go. Back then she was ambitious, or so it seemed, and I was a definite no-starter in that department!
- 'Lets blog.......this is awesome!'....With a mutual love for each other's penned skills n an unsaid agreement not to judge worked wonders. Before Orkut happened and since long mails became obsolete, the blogosphere kept us in touch with each other. Bless you mr. Blog inventor!..

I have been guilty of many a ugly 'snap', my decisive moment when I turn my back against someone, never to look back. Im not a good person. Im ashamed of myself later, but its always too late to go back. But here, with Vatsala I've never had that moment. She knows I have a soft corner(a whole room full of corners rather) for her. Ive sometimes gone out of my way n have done things I never should have. I dont regret doing them, I just feel bad coz it spoilt a nice cute friendship sometimes. The interesting part is, Vatsala would be having this huge question mark on her face when she reads this, coz she probably cant recall a single incident that bad a way as Ive expressed it. Or maybe she never takes anything from people close to her to heart that badly. Sometimes I feel that's why we're still the best of friends, she hardly notices when I screw up.

Sadly, Im not that fortunate with an open heart to 'let go'. I have everything inside whenever I've been pissed with her, disappointed too quite a few times. Thank heavens Ive never let my thoughts be loud in those times. I let silence be the mediator and its turned out just fine.

This girl is no angel. She's sweet, bitter, hostile, ignorant, loving, annoying, adorable. Sometimes a lot if it at the same time! And there's one thing Ive been very vocal about, she never lets anyone trespass. She'll only open up as much she finds it convenient to. She never crosses that point of no return. Her mood tells all though, but no point if she's not willing.
She keeps her cards close to her heart. 24x7. Quite a few times for absolutely no reason at all. But it gives her that mysterious n mischievous image, a deadly combo. To exemplify, I have absolutely no clue whether she's currently single or not! On my part, she would be the first person to know if n when I get someone weird enough like me.

A lot of what I write is somewhat irrelevant bcoz its got nothing to do with her. Its all about me. But its the 'me' that I am only with her around. Im not an open book, im street smart enough to get my work done and move on, Im careful. But with her, Im none of these. And thats why a text about her from me needs ample inclusion of my own self.

Ive had one of the best discussions on the most philosophical of topics with her(purpose of life, love, afterlife) , and the most stupidest(bush or bholu, whoz worse) too. Idea bills have many a times been filled with a single number spread over a week, with message counts skyrocketing in the nights. Unforgettable!..

Vatsala Kakroo, Maroon5 'she will be loved', for u...

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls