Wednesday, February 11, 2015

My Contribution to Swachh Bharat (Clean India)

I drive to work, roughly 18 kms from home. Last Wednesday I left office a little early. Traffic on the road was moderate; still a couple of hours to rush hour. One typically sees the self-employed, unemployed, leisure commuters, business travelers moving about at easy pace listening to retro hits on the radio at this time of the day. Branded bikes of the ecommerce delivery boys are the only vehicles whizzing past. They always do.
I stopped at a traffic signal. Some 15 of us cars waited in no hurry, for the 35 seconds to pass. For entertainment the road-side beggars put up a fight for a pack of glucose biscuits.
I was in the right-most lane, not because I had to turn right; we hardly follow that rule in this country. On my left was a black hatchback with two men in their 40s. (Close your eyes and imagine a 40-something property dealer. Now multiply by 2)
30 seconds to go.
The gentleman from the black car in the driver’s seat pulled down his window and dismissively threw a projectile in air, an empty packet of chips that landed right in front of my car. I think I was the only one who noticed.
At times there are instincts one fosters and expresses openly. Other times these instincts are kept in check through reason, logic, and well, excuses. For once, I let my instinct express itself. These men needed to be made aware of their responsibility to make India a clean country by 2019.
25 seconds to go.
I got out of my car, walked up to the left, picked the packet of chips. Now people noticed! Immediately the focus shifted from the beggar fight to what-will-this-guy-do-now. I walked up to the black car, knocked on its window, and watched as the guy in the driver’s seat turned to me and changed his expressions thrice in a second. The last change of expression, from generally dismissive to WTF-fury, came as soon as he saw the packet of chips in my hand. Brave man rolled down the window anticipating my very obvious move and prepared for a response.
I threw the packet of chips in his lap and kept a straight face without saying a word. My intention was to make him realise his mistake and not make a fuss about it. He took it otherwise.
20 seconds to go.    
Both men got out of their cars shouting popular expletives every Indian citizen understands without any language barrier. I stood ground, hoping the motorists around me would come for help. None did. Their logic instincts worked just fine.
The gentlemen held me by the collar and towered over me. Suddenly a bright sunny afternoon turned cloudy for me.
5 seconds to go.
The men threatened me a little more, and handed me back the packet of chips. I couldn’t grip it and it fell on the road. Again.
The signal turned green.
The cars in front moved, following cars behind mine who had to maneuver around our two cars. The two men walked back leisurely to their cars, turned on the engine and drove off.
A loud collective noise of many horns suddenly brought me back to the present. The light was green. The beggars had by now lined up on the road divider waiting for the next set of cars to stop. The black car on my left was long gone. And the packet of chips lay in front of my left front tyre, waiting to be squashed.

“Next time I’ll definitely do what I think I should’ve done” I promised myself, and put my car in gear.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

My apocalypse

Aug '09 - 0% done..
Dec '09 - 15% done..
Mar '09 - 65% done..
June '09 - 100%........The transition is complete.
Today, I hereby declare, that I have become a complete anti-Pourush.

What it means -

-I no longer share his opinions(if any)..I go by the popular count, except when my manager says something..(Yes, I've nodded to his point of 'Cricket is the worst game ever!!' a couple of times)
-I no longer care for the world(Except Lebanon, where hotties are getting killed almost everyday..gosh, the loss!!)
-I dont feel sympathetic towards a 'poor-kid-nibbling-biscuit-crumbles-on-the-road' anymore(what a relief!)..
-I dont apologise, rather I go 'its ok' even if I brush against a woman in the Office cafeteria(I still prefer to say 'canteen' while speaking reason..)..
-I now keep a watch on the road anticipating/hoping for some accident..for the thrills!!..(if there's human casualty involved my day is made!!)..
-I follow the Ambulance after giving way, both trying to take advantage of the obliging traffic and peeking in to see any traces of 'live' suffering inside..
-My hands no longer shake/tremble while writing the previous 2 points, and neither do I pity myself..
-I prefer to keep the AC on all day(and night ofcourse!!)..First tell that super-rich property dealer neighbor of mine to switch off his!

My new motto - Ignorance is a gift. Nurture it.

How did this happen?..Umm, I reached the expiry date of my conscience. I realised I cant pretend/fake it any longer, the devil needs to come out, and how!

Time for you frown?..
Cmon, its not that bad, Its not as if I hurt others. Ummm, maybe I do, but its subtle, they dont realise it(good na!). The best part is, people'll never admit that they've been hurt. They'll wear this 'I am strong' broach. I'll say 'hey, it looks good! Can I have that?'..
Needless to say, I gift it to my girlfriend the next day and tell my friend 'Oops, lost it!..Its ok you can get another one..Your aunt lives in Amreeka na.....oh btw, can you ask her to get me a better tshirt than what she got last time?..'Heal the World' sounds like such a lame tee slogan...I want something with a devilish undertone..thanks man, ur a great friend'..

I should kill myself.

Kinda feel like that guy in Trainspotting who goes in the end, 'I duped my friends. Why?, because I'm a bad person.'


Listen to this song 'Dive In' by Dave Mattews band, or atleast read the lyrics if you can. The guy talks about Global Warming with an amazingly fresh perspective. Sings as if he's already accepted(not resigned to) the fact that the world's gonna get more n more hotter. He embraces the heat and wants the world to celebrate it!!..Ofcourse there's one stanza which talks about 'there is still hope' and all, but the overall theme will make you stand up and applaud his brain!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

To Auntie

The woman,
we all loved,
who was there every morning, sitting outside, with the face of a thousand smiles,
who we all loved to greet, and who loved to be greeted,
whose arms stretched out instantly whenever she saw us,
whose warmth still touches us all, and will forever,
who never confused me with my brother(something my mother still does sometimes)
who celebrated each day like a carnival,
whose beauty defied her age,
who had this ever contagious spark in her eyes,
who blessed us every time, even if one met her 20 times in a day,
who loved, and embraced life,

who was, and will be, our guardian angel, forever,

We love you, and we'll miss you Auntie


Sunday, June 28, 2009


Somewhere, a kid is dying of hunger, and I just binned a huge slice of half eaten pizza..
A couple is looking at their new born with immense pride n hope, and I didn't pick my dad's call today for no reason..
The angels are putting a mad dog to sleep, and I shooed away a cat deep in slumber on my parked bike..
There's a girl being sexually exploited, and I'm secretly searching the net for new mms..
A clerk mechanically readies himself for another grueling week of mindless work, and I'm crying out coz nobody can understand my masterpiece..
A boy is celebrating his birthday with a candle but no cake, and I've already spent half of my salary treating friends..
A farmer is ecstatic coz its raining, and I curse the skies, for I have to wash my drying clothes again..
A woman has already started her long walk to fetch a litre of drinking water, and I just watered the plants with Bisleri coz the normal water tap is too far..
A man is in huge financial debt, and I'm filming red ants pouncing on a dying cockroach..
Someone is wishing he had more time, and I've taken almost half an hour just to decide what to wear for the evening..
Luck is not favouring the brave, and I'm sitting on my ass waiting for things to happen..
Another person is dying of H1N1, and I think I'm naturally immune to every disease..
Faith is keeping alive a woman stuck under the debris after an earthquake for 2 days now, and I'm thinking a pilgrimage is just bullshit business..
A mother feels proud on hearing her son has become a martyr, and I'm trying to put forth a theory that war is just a gimmick by governments..
A whole village is celebrating a girl's marriage, and I'm trying to convince a girl the word 'family honour' doesn't exist, just so I could sleep with her..
A guy is saying to himself 'miles to go before I sleep', and I'm already ruing waking up on monday morning for work..
We're all so dark, funny, stupid people..committing the same bloody mistakes each waking moment..

When will we learn?..

Friday, March 20, 2009

Does this make sense to you?

Your mother doesn't let anybody harm animals, and you surprise everyone by those statements!..I dont buy your shit that you didnt say any of it and the cd is doctored..I dont think im jumping the gun either, you did that probably and are paying the price of it..

Why is Shashi Tharoor contesting elections from Trivandrum?..I just saw a flash news of the same, dont know if he has some ancestral connections with that place..If he doesn't, then why!

I have all the respect for Sanjay Dutt. That is, if I ignore his failed marriage, a controversial 2nd marriage(or third, srry ive lost track), his involvement(rather, his conviction) in the mumbai blasts, and the fact that all he'll utter in his campaigns is 'Gandhigiri'(a term thats not his)..

The next time you stand up and question Sachin's honesty I'll take it as a personal insult..and none of you would want that..coz I 'am' the cricket crazy indian public..

Is Austria gone crazy?..A man gets convicted for 14 years, even though the duration of his offense in itself was 25years!..cmon!..

TATA sends me an email telling me about this wonderful broadband connection that has 'not much hidden charges'!!..its written right across the middle..Should I just laugh, or sympathise?

Mira Nair re-releasing Salaam Bombay..Woman are you out of your mind??..The then child artist would still be driving an autorickshaw in bangalore..and if his condition doesnt improve then whats the point??

No multiplex releases for movies after april 3?..Producers digging their own graves..Atleast wait for the recession to get over with..So that you can recover some dough from the stock markets..You've ruled the industry for a long time, let someone else call the shots now..the end audience will still pay the same if not more..

I ask.

Friday, December 19, 2008


I litter..I spit..I curse..I sulk..I pretend..I sympathise..I dont..
I cry..I patronise..I loathe..I read..I overlook..I pollute..I ignore..I care..I dont..
I feel..I breathe..I appreciate..I smile..I talk..I act..I dont..
I fall..I wait..I rise..I walk..again..I look back..I dont..
I dream..I hope..I wish..I like..I love..I dont..
I smoke..I drink..I molest..I repent..I dont..
I touch..I taste..I steal..I snatch..I throw..I share..I dont..
I fight..I lose..I learn..I dont..
I show off..I spend..I donate..I dont..
I ride..I travel..I stay..I dont..
I hate..I kill..I show..I forgive..I dont..

I dont..
I dont..

I wish,
I did..

Thursday, December 04, 2008

time 5!

5 months is a long time..
Even though I've made a return here for a number of reasons, none of them involving any kind of humor(I can hear tht sigh of relief), I'll keep this post short n Kaju-barfi-sweet..
I'll list some places where 5 months are very significant, and some places/situations where 5 months are hardly noticed..

- Waiting for semester to end, mid way into the very first lecture of the sem!
- A bored Govt official retiring in 5 months
- A farmer
- A 93 yr old woman waiting for her first Haj trip
- A Merchant navy guy setting sail..(timez nt too hard on the wife, she has her options)
- Small budget movie producer giving out his first cheque in the movie's name
- An engineer waiting for his company to call(ouch ouch..)
- A pregnant-again woman, who had a miscarriage last time round, in 5 months(sorry, never said its gonna be roses n butterflies)
- A virgin, set to marry in 5 months!
- Period between Friends seasons
- Man serving time in jail, with remorse
- Animals in captivity
- Waiting for that first joint as soon as Rehab ends

And now where its insignificant/time flies by

- Man serving time in jail, without remorse
- Guy West-bound under Student exchange program
- Person working in his dream firm in his dream profile
- Kid of a working couple, growing up(Dual-income-One-kid, they say??)
- Animals in the wild
- Me
- Investors when stock markets are soaring

Next up, issues..

Keep the Faith..