pourush

My apocalypse

2010-06-03T01:51:00.001-07:00

Aug '09 - 0% done..
Dec '09 - 15% done..
Mar '09 - 65% done..
June '09 - 100%........The transition is complete.
Today, I hereby declare, that I have become a complete anti-Pourush.

What it means -

-I no longer share his opinions(if any)..I go by the popular count, except when my manager says something..(Yes, I've nodded to his point of 'Cricket is the worst game ever!!' a couple of times)
-I no longer care for the world(Except Lebanon, where hotties are getting killed almost everyday..gosh, the loss!!)
-I dont feel sympathetic towards a 'poor-kid-nibbling-biscuit-crumbles-on-the-road' anymore(what a relief!)..
-I dont apologise, rather I go 'its ok' even if I brush against a woman in the Office cafeteria(I still prefer to say 'canteen' while speaking though..no reason..)..
-I now keep a watch on the road anticipating/hoping for some accident..for the thrills!!..(if there's human casualty involved my day is made!!)..
-I follow the Ambulance after giving way, both trying to take advantage of the obliging traffic and peeking in to see any traces of 'live' suffering inside..
-My hands no longer shake/tremble while writing the previous 2 points, and neither do I pity myself..
-I prefer to keep the AC on all day(and night ofcourse!!)..First tell that super-rich property dealer neighbor of mine to switch off his!

My new motto - Ignorance is a gift. Nurture it.

How did this happen?..Umm, I reached the expiry date of my conscience. I realised I cant pretend/fake it any longer, the devil needs to come out, and how!

Time for you frown?..
Cmon, its not that bad, Its not as if I hurt others. Ummm, maybe I do, but its subtle, they dont realise it(good na!). The best part is, people'll never admit that they've been hurt. They'll wear this 'I am strong' broach. I'll say 'hey, it looks good! Can I have that?'..
Needless to say, I gift it to my girlfriend the next day and tell my friend 'Oops, lost it!..Its ok you can get another one..Your aunt lives in Amreeka na.....oh btw, can you ask her to get me a better tshirt than what she got last time?..'Heal the World' sounds like such a lame tee slogan...I want something with a devilish undertone..thanks man, ur a great friend'..

I should kill myself.

Kinda feel like that guy in Trainspotting who goes in the end, 'I duped my friends. Why?, because I'm a bad person.'

F2
F2
F2
F2
F2
F2
F2
F2

Listen to this song 'Dive In' by Dave Mattews band, or atleast read the lyrics if you can. The guy talks about Global Warming with an amazingly fresh perspective. Sings as if he's already accepted(not resigned to) the fact that the world's gonna get more n more hotter. He embraces the heat and wants the world to celebrate it!!..Ofcourse there's one stanza which talks about 'there is still hope' and all, but the overall theme will make you stand up and applaud his brain!

To Auntie

2009-07-18T23:58:00.000-07:00

To,
The woman,
we all loved,
who was there every morning, sitting outside, with the face of a thousand smiles,
who we all loved to greet, and who loved to be greeted,
whose arms stretched out instantly whenever she saw us,
whose warmth still touches us all, and will forever,
who never confused me with my brother(something my mother still does sometimes)
who celebrated each day like a carnival,
whose beauty defied her age,
who had this ever contagious spark in her eyes,
who blessed us every time, even if one met her 20 times in a day,
who loved, and embraced life,

who was, and will be, our guardian angel, forever,

We love you, and we'll miss you Auntie

Us

Somewhere..

2009-06-28T12:05:00.000-07:00

Somewhere, a kid is dying of hunger, and I just binned a huge slice of half eaten pizza..
A couple is looking at their new born with immense pride n hope, and I didn't pick my dad's call today for no reason..
The angels are putting a mad dog to sleep, and I shooed away a cat deep in slumber on my parked bike..
There's a girl being sexually exploited, and I'm secretly searching the net for new mms..
A clerk mechanically readies himself for another grueling week of mindless work, and I'm crying out coz nobody can understand my masterpiece..
A boy is celebrating his birthday with a candle but no cake, and I've already spent half of my salary treating friends..
A farmer is ecstatic coz its raining, and I curse the skies, for I have to wash my drying clothes again..
A woman has already started her long walk to fetch a litre of drinking water, and I just watered the plants with Bisleri coz the normal water tap is too far..
A man is in huge financial debt, and I'm filming red ants pouncing on a dying cockroach..
Someone is wishing he had more time, and I've taken almost half an hour just to decide what to wear for the evening..
Luck is not favouring the brave, and I'm sitting on my ass waiting for things to happen..
Another person is dying of H1N1, and I think I'm naturally immune to every disease..
Faith is keeping alive a woman stuck under the debris after an earthquake for 2 days now, and I'm thinking a pilgrimage is just bullshit business..
A mother feels proud on hearing her son has become a martyr, and I'm trying to put forth a theory that war is just a gimmick by governments..
A whole village is celebrating a girl's marriage, and I'm trying to convince a girl the word 'family honour' doesn't exist, just so I could sleep with her..
A guy is saying to himself 'miles to go before I sleep', and I'm already ruing waking up on monday morning for work..
We're all so dark, funny, stupid people..committing the same bloody mistakes each waking moment..

When will we learn?..

Does this make sense to you?

2009-03-20T13:00:00.000-07:00

Your mother doesn't let anybody harm animals, and you surprise everyone by those statements!..I dont buy your shit that you didnt say any of it and the cd is doctored..I dont think im jumping the gun either, you did that probably and are paying the price of it..

Why is Shashi Tharoor contesting elections from Trivandrum?..I just saw a flash news of the same, dont know if he has some ancestral connections with that place..If he doesn't, then why!

I have all the respect for Sanjay Dutt. That is, if I ignore his failed marriage, a controversial 2nd marriage(or third, srry ive lost track), his involvement(rather, his conviction) in the mumbai blasts, and the fact that all he'll utter in his campaigns is 'Gandhigiri'(a term thats not his)..

The next time you stand up and question Sachin's honesty I'll take it as a personal insult..and none of you would want that..coz I 'am' the cricket crazy indian public..

Is Austria gone crazy?..A man gets convicted for 14 years, even though the duration of his offense in itself was 25years!..cmon!..

TATA sends me an email telling me about this wonderful broadband connection that has 'not much hidden charges'!!..its written right across the middle..Should I just laugh, or sympathise?

Mira Nair re-releasing Salaam Bombay..Woman are you out of your mind??..The then child artist would still be driving an autorickshaw in bangalore..and if his condition doesnt improve then whats the point??

No multiplex releases for movies after april 3?..Producers digging their own graves..Atleast wait for the recession to get over with..So that you can recover some dough from the stock markets..You've ruled the industry for a long time, let someone else call the shots now..the end audience will still pay the same if not more..

Why..
Why..
Why..
Why..
I ask.

Autobiopgraphy

2008-12-19T10:10:00.000-08:00

I litter..I spit..I curse..I sulk..I pretend..I sympathise..I dont..
I cry..I patronise..I loathe..I read..I overlook..I pollute..I ignore..I care..I dont..
I feel..I breathe..I appreciate..I smile..I talk..I act..I dont..
I fall..I wait..I rise..I walk..again..I look back..I dont..
I dream..I hope..I wish..I like..I love..I dont..
I smoke..I drink..I molest..I repent..I dont..
I touch..I taste..I steal..I snatch..I throw..I share..I dont..
I fight..I lose..I learn..I dont..
I show off..I spend..I donate..I dont..
I ride..I travel..I stay..I dont..
I hate..I kill..I show..I forgive..I dont..

I dont..
I dont..

I wish,
I did..

time 5!

2008-12-04T12:44:00.001-08:00

5 months is a long time..
Even though I've made a return here for a number of reasons, none of them involving any kind of humor(I can hear tht sigh of relief), I'll keep this post short n Kaju-barfi-sweet..
I'll list some places where 5 months are very significant, and some places/situations where 5 months are hardly noticed..

- Waiting for semester to end, mid way into the very first lecture of the sem!
- A bored Govt official retiring in 5 months
- A farmer
- A 93 yr old woman waiting for her first Haj trip
- A Merchant navy guy setting sail..(timez nt too hard on the wife, she has her options)
- Small budget movie producer giving out his first cheque in the movie's name
- An engineer waiting for his company to call(ouch ouch..)
- A pregnant-again woman, who had a miscarriage last time round, in 5 months(sorry, never said its gonna be roses n butterflies)
- A virgin, set to marry in 5 months!
- Period between Friends seasons
- Man serving time in jail, with remorse
- Animals in captivity
- Waiting for that first joint as soon as Rehab ends

And now where its insignificant/time flies by

- Man serving time in jail, without remorse
- Guy West-bound under Student exchange program
- Person working in his dream firm in his dream profile
- Kid of a working couple, growing up(Dual-income-One-kid, they say??)
- Animals in the wild
- Me
- Investors when stock markets are soaring

Next up, issues..

Keep the Faith..

Zindaggi rocked tonite..

2008-07-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

Blame this post on Zindaggi rocks. Jst saw it for the 6th time!..5 times more than the 140 odd people who've atleast heard abt it!..
I dont even insult people these days who've not seen it..twas a lost cause when I started doing it in the first place..
Anyways, lets come to the crux of the matter.
Seconds after the movie ended, sob sob, and as soon as I washed me face(6th time, n i still end up teary eyed..) a very thought provoking thought(oops) crossed my mind.
'What if I were to die tomorrow?'...................................................
Im not sure if Im scared of death or not. I mean I might shit in my pants, or I might switch off smiling....I dont know. Neither do I want to know right now. But what I know is I 'dont want to' die tomorrow. Why?, the penniless question. There's so much left to be completed. There's so much yet to be started. Following are some of em. Obvious ones such as adultery, and directing my own profsseinal play have not been included........

- A 'one-tight-slap' on shaman. Right across the already worse looking cheekbones. Ek udhar chukana hai....
- To stop running after/waiting for the wrong girl. Im still not sure if im the one for her..But I do know that if I were to die tomorrow, I shall never know. Need to move on I guess. Or maybe not. Damn this is tricky. Draft for another post.
- Need to teach my dog not to bite. He's 8 weeks old, teething bigtime, thinks biting is an act of love, and listens to me only. If I were to 'hang my boots' tomorrow, he'll get his marching orders pretty soon(god forbid).
- Need to have a quiet and peaceful break up. All of the past ones have been hurting, and rude from my side. Point no.2 is not relevant here. Agent smith once famously said, 100 ft below ground level , 'everything that has a beginning, has an end'. This point doesnt care which gal is in question here. Making the separation easy on both, whoever she is, is something I need to work on.
- Employment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....Even my maid 'EARNS' her living!!..
- To see Shaman fall once. He's built too many sand castles around himself. Sometimes, Im worried for him, certain that the fall will be tough on him. Will be there to help him through. But want to see that dreaded fall for once. Everyone has a grey side. Mine is printed right across prime time virtual space.
- Beat my dad at an argument. He's bloody good.
- To know who discovered/invented 'the middle finger'. Shouldnt he be paid royalties whenever you 'show/flash' it?..
- Apoligise to everybody to whom Ive been unjust.....Varun nikhil shatik and a lot more....Ive been a bad friend/human being at times.
- Be punctual. Never been on time, at any gathering/movie theatre/date/bc baaji....Mostly thru no fault of my mine, but certain avoidable delays can be curbed.
- Officially sign up as an organ donor. I would strongly recommend this to you too.
- Walk my gal home in the night, while its drizzling..rain at full throttle would be too much, a drizzle leaves you both wet and romantic.
- Spend a day, atleast, as the guy I am meant to be. Not as I am thought/considered to be. Good or bad/right or wrong, is hardly relevant.
I request you all to drop in a few of your own from your 'wishlist'..whacky ones will be appreciated too, provided ur being honest.

Americano Frappe - Malai maar ke

2008-06-04T23:10:00.000-07:00

Excerpts from a recent visa interview of a close friend, whoz applying for a Masters in the US.

I - Interviewer
A - Herself

I - Good morning Ms. Amrita Bee Cowshit. You may sit down.
A - (A lil agitated)A very good morning sir. And before we start may I just correct you that my surname is 'Koushik', not Cowshit.
I - Oh sure! forgive my error. Ram-in-deep! Bring this lady something to drink.
(Ramandeep, a lil embarassed, brings her mountain dew. A has never seen dew outside its green bottle ever, and hence is a lil skeptic whether to take it or not. She could be laughing stock of the embassy tomorrow for all she knew!..)
I - Alright Ms, lets get on with it. So you want to pursue higher studies in the US. Arent you happy with the facilities in India?
A - (to herself) Oh! I am completely fascinated by the booming Indian Biotech industry and its academic research structure. In fact, Im even friends on a personal note with Dunston's(yes, the movie chimp) desi clone, Bhargav. But to tell the truth, there arent enough guys to hook up with here, and thats why I want to try my luck in the 'land of opportunities'. As would be obvious, Ive maintained myself top notch, but havent found a single guy whose frequency matches mine. Nevermind one sun-baked 'Srini'vas Venkatraghavan who was once my senior, but then gave it all up and threw his life away playing cricket for India...Also, in India a grad girl sitting at home is a perfect bakra for people to start marriage talks. And since Im totally against monogamy I find it better to not sit on my ass here and do something about it.(To I) Sir, the kind of research I wish to pursue hasnt quite found its footing in India and at the same time America is one of the flourishing hotspots in Pharma engg. Also I believe it will help me as a..(I interrupts)

I - The Air conditioner is quite ineffective isnt it. Should've granted that Videocon guy's chachi a pass to one of Uncle Sam's presidential dinners. Oh, anyway, you were saying..
A - (To herself)Nevermind. Kiss my...Go to hell. F**k you. (This is a family blog mind you).....(To I) NO sir, I was done.

I - Oh ok, how about your stress analysis. How easy do you think you can deal with instant pressure situations?
A - (To Herself)You mean if Im travelling in the country with a sudden urge to pee, kinda pressure?..Nobody can deal with that. It deals with you. But then we Indians have been taught to appreciate the nature well, so I can feel at home even in the middle of a full grown phirangi sugarcane field.(To I) Yes sir I believe I have gone through enough in life to deal with any kind of situation that Im faced with.

I - Will you sell your body if you have no money, and an immediate need of the same?
A - (To Herself) You crazy pervert! This is all you've been waiting to ask all this while isnt it..I bet you ask this to every decent looking female in the slight hope of someone saying yes and you following it up with 'how exactly?'..(To I) No sir. Not in any circumstances will I let myself steep so down so as to compromise my values. I understand prostitution is a huge quick buck industry in the US and adversities force people into it, but I'll make sure I steer clear of it at all times. But then, these days a lot companies are advertising on people's faces with temporary tattoos. I might go in for that in the worst case scenario, if thats within your 'selling the body' parameter.

I - You seem to be well versed with the culture there.
A - (To herself) Im bored. Are you gonna f**king give me the visa or wat. U wanna ask questions I'll let Porky sit with you, he loves answering questions, simultaneously in 5 languages!..(To I) Yes,sir. A Result of a bit of homework but largely bcoz of the cross cultural bridging between our two great nations.

I - Thank you Amrita. That would be all.
A - Go kill yourself.

Misfit

2008-05-29T11:51:00.000-07:00

The alarm doesnt ring anymore at 8...
Mornings dont start with a coffee...
Night sets in rather early...
The day seems endless...
People talk in a refined language arnd me...I wanna scream out n curse...
People talk abt Tele sops, rising petrol prices, double murders, my future, their past glories...
People talk shit...
There's no escape...
There's no hostel terrace to run off to for a time out...
There's no room around. which u can bolt n have some peace...
You cant switch off ur cell...Somehow ppl have important things to talk about...
I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

College ended coz it was meant to. We were supposed to move on. We forgot one tiny structure, society. We were individuals with our own set of rules and space. Now we're cramped. U need to have a sense of belonging. You need to belong, behave, act responsibly, eat, offer, share. None at your convenience. Rather, at theirs.

Suddenly these 4 walls i called home, and this mapped city cant seem to do enough to lift my spirits. Not that im not trying. I read, play the entertainer wth relatives, spend time wth frnds(mind u ths r ppl ive missd all ths years), engross in coffee table talks..But(there's always a but) the rush is missing. To exemplify how grave it is gues it'll be enough to tell u tht the pulse getting skyrocketed at the very sight of a babe is replaced now by a short(vry short) lived acknowledgement(a more dull word wud be more appropriate)...

Right now Im a misfit. But im trying. Dont wanna wake up tomorrow n say 'damn! I used to have such great friends. I use to love my life. What a pity I threw it all away.' Im trying..

Plz stay wth me..

As a certain hugh grant said - 'Dont you write me off just yet'.....

I truly wish I speak only for myself..Hope none of u r going thru this turmoil..its tragic, n i bloody hell hope its temporary..

wasSAP

2008-05-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

More often than not I've found myself trusting people I should've run away from..
I've been hurt quite a few times..
Other times they should've run away from me..
I've hurt a lot more..
But just this time, with this one person its been a casual n convenient on-off relation that now seems the most perfect of arrangements. 7 years of everything, in every sense of the word!
And just to lay emphasize on the last part, i'll sum up the 7 years in phases
- 'You've got mail' ishtyle friendship. We were awful when together but on individual pc machines we were the best of friends.
- 'I love you.......not....maybe...lets try....sorry not working out.' Yeah, we tried that too. Turned out we were a mismatch from the word go. Back then she was ambitious, or so it seemed, and I was a definite no-starter in that department!
- 'Lets blog.......this is awesome!'....With a mutual love for each other's penned skills n an unsaid agreement not to judge worked wonders. Before Orkut happened and since long mails became obsolete, the blogosphere kept us in touch with each other. Bless you mr. Blog inventor!..

I have been guilty of many a ugly 'snap', my decisive moment when I turn my back against someone, never to look back. Im not a good person. Im ashamed of myself later, but its always too late to go back. But here, with Vatsala I've never had that moment. She knows I have a soft corner(a whole room full of corners rather) for her. Ive sometimes gone out of my way n have done things I never should have. I dont regret doing them, I just feel bad coz it spoilt a nice cute friendship sometimes. The interesting part is, Vatsala would be having this huge question mark on her face when she reads this, coz she probably cant recall a single incident that bad a way as Ive expressed it. Or maybe she never takes anything from people close to her to heart that badly. Sometimes I feel that's why we're still the best of friends, she hardly notices when I screw up.

Sadly, Im not that fortunate with an open heart to 'let go'. I have everything inside whenever I've been pissed with her, disappointed too quite a few times. Thank heavens Ive never let my thoughts be loud in those times. I let silence be the mediator and its turned out just fine.

This girl is no angel. She's sweet, bitter, hostile, ignorant, loving, annoying, adorable. Sometimes a lot if it at the same time! And there's one thing Ive been very vocal about, she never lets anyone trespass. She'll only open up as much she finds it convenient to. She never crosses that point of no return. Her mood tells all though, but no point if she's not willing.
She keeps her cards close to her heart. 24x7. Quite a few times for absolutely no reason at all. But it gives her that mysterious n mischievous image, a deadly combo. To exemplify, I have absolutely no clue whether she's currently single or not! On my part, she would be the first person to know if n when I get someone weird enough like me.

A lot of what I write is somewhat irrelevant bcoz its got nothing to do with her. Its all about me. But its the 'me' that I am only with her around. Im not an open book, im street smart enough to get my work done and move on, Im careful. But with her, Im none of these. And thats why a text about her from me needs ample inclusion of my own self.

Ive had one of the best discussions on the most philosophical of topics with her(purpose of life, love, afterlife) , and the most stupidest(bush or bholu, whoz worse) too. Idea bills have many a times been filled with a single number spread over a week, with message counts skyrocketing in the nights. Unforgettable!..

Vatsala Kakroo, Maroon5 'she will be loved', for u...

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Spotted....

2008-04-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

- Al gore saying there has been no improvement in the degrading climate awareness even since his documentary came out.......Mirrored Failure
- Hillary Clinton sounds optimistic about her chances for a democratic nomination.........Ignorance is bliss...or, 'Mirror mirror on the wall...'
- People who've never watched ICL, blame IPL taking the sheen off the rebel league......Paramount Hypocricy
- Jackie Chan, Amitabh Bachchan and Karunanidhi launching the music for Kamal Hassan's dream project.......Blessed night..(smhw AB seems the smallest of the 4 in stature..)
- Microsoft's April-end deadline for Yahoo takeover.....Modern barbarism-the new world order
- Indian Hockey in dire straits......Sultans of sting
- Anna Nicole Smith, Heath Ledger, and Chris Benoit, all dead......Grieving drug peddlers
- Inlfation at 6.7%, the highest in 9 years......Global phenomena, no major concern..Temporary inconvenience.
- Humans can fly....try weed
- Traffic Cop rapes a minor..........Missing: A mental corrective center in Delhi..make it compulsory for every delhite..we need it badly..

Nursery admissions Dilemma, and what it means to farmers growing Sugarcane

2007-12-23T22:39:00.000-08:00

You can this a hangover of reading 'Freakonomics'. But, its moral to ask the right questions, and the thorough data accumulation has really caught on with me.
After aimless wanderings, with 'personal embarassment glorified' being the central idea, this blog has finally moved to a sense of greater meaning. Also now that the VIT play stands cancelled, I need some avenue to relocate the endless rants from the script, for creative satisfaction(only).

A recent study revealed that all newly marrieds, having or expecting kids,(DIOK,SIOK), spend all their potty n brushing time wondering what school to send their child to, and whether they themselves can pronounce 'Deutschland' when the schools test them while their kids play with Lego. The recent news of teen killings arent helping their hair loss treatments either.
There was talk recently to adopt the Chicago public school system, where every neighbourhood has a public school and admissions are done for only that neighbourood. Consequently, no parent needs to look farther than their own block. It simplifies a major headache issue for 2+1 families, its only catch being that if you live in a Blacks dominated area your ward is more likely to come home with broken bones than complain of heavy homework stress.
For our desi counterparts, it would be a huge relief for families, but at the same time schools like DPS, Blue Bells, Tagore Int'l would be forced to compromise on their quality of which they boast about in TOI n HT every spring. Also, the parents' freedom of choice is arrested. The sense of equality, that we delhites have successfully managed to evade for generations, would creep in our kids and would destroy their mindset! An industrialist's son would have to sit next to a Socialist's daughter. Now, how could their parents ever be best friends, and watching their wards having pyjama parties together would break their hearts for sure.

Anyway, it would seem far fetched initially, but a typical, lately suicidal, indian farmer,(havent they been in news all year!!) , growing Sugarcane, suffers from the same kind of dilemma.

As the informed, and heirs of huge chunks of farms, amongst you would know its that time of the year when the crops are ripe and the canes are ready to be sent to the sugar mills. Its the end of a farmer's financial year.
Now, usually the state government allocates a rate(rs.135 per Quintal last year) that the mills pay these farmers. The procedure is straight and simple. The problem arises when a private mill is set up which pays more to the farmers to strangle the govt. supply and strengthen their own. Farmers from various districts throng that mill. This is where the simplicity vanishes. unlike the govt mills, the private ones test the quality of canes and take in only those which pass a certain criteria. Most of the times these tests are biased, and favourism & favouritism find themselves deeply rooted there.

Now, imagine a 1000 parents being interviewed each day for 50 seats, and a 1000 farmers with overloaded trollies fighting it out for 40 receipts.

Now, imagine living that life.

Now, digest this fact - It is happening right now. In front of everybody. And, nobody gives a fuck about it!

Democracy lives.

Stupid is as Stupid does

2007-11-19T22:06:00.000-08:00

Fact : I had 46 internals.
Fact : I had studied well for the exam.
Fact : I drank 2 ltrs of water as soon as I woke up.

The question paper was a dolly. A piece of cake like they say. A piece of cake served by a 40D topless blonde in my case!
It was that easy!
I started off well, got all the story driven 2 marks questions away with.

Suddenly, I felt a sensation below the belt.
Not alarming enough. I could 'control'. I could see through the whole question paper.

Halfway into the first long answer question, another sensation. Major crisis averted through quick feet and hand movement. Alarm bells ringing, but, I could 'control'. Self belief was as important as self-control.

Unfortunately, little did I know that the mental pumping up of the mind to keep the nature call at call-waiting would eventually work against me.

1st long answer question done away with. Enough to pass, long way to go before I do justice to the preparation I put into the paper.
Invigilator comes with an extra sheet.

I HAVE TO GO....

No more, no more, no more...
Oops, a drop just found its way out!

BLOODY HELL!!..
Fuck the exam..

Run Forrest Run!

(Door)
(Stairs)
(Too many stairs)
(Oops, Ladies toilet)
(Paradise gates)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(singing) I dont regret running way from the exam!..And I just bought my stairway to heaven..

Ordeal Over..

Now, even though some of you may ridicule my lack of self-control or highlight my stupidity to drink so much water in the first place. I have two words for you...
"Try yourself"!!..

I dont regret my decision one bit. Infact, this is one of the best ones Ive taken all semester. The potential embarassment I would've faced is of far much greater importance than a chance to salvage my 8cgp that would've been cemented had I attempted just one more question. But...

Now thinking of it, here's a list of things I would've faced had I sat in the exam hall for another 5 minutes.

1. Name changed to Pee-rush Chowdhary.
2. Auto-Biography would've been titled - Life of pee.
3. Oh fuck! people had Camera phones in the hall! youtube people would've had a ball of a time watching this one! My 15 seconds of shame!
4. Only diapers as gifts from next birthday onwards.
5. Friends would order only Pee-salad and green pee soup for me in restaurants.

I bow to thee, mr. inventor of public toilets!!

Nevergone

2007-10-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

I apologise. Not so much for staying away for so long but for taking the help of something like the Backstreet boys for a title.

Anyway, owing to an absolute lack of humor in the immediate past(comp fiasco),and the foreseeable future(end sems) in the authorz life, and his well known knack(lack) of wit, the following posts would best be appreciated with two large bloody maryz on the rocks, or a prior hour session with sesh. I leave the choice to the readerz taste.

Ah! Feels so good to be back..

Kinda feel like Jude law in Cold Mountain, coming back to Nicole kidman, and looking at her for the first time after the civil war.

Now, before we resume this journey, post jipmer(fun 5 sp!!) and ECE fuckfest(4/10 internals!!), there's just one line of text I wish to lay priority upon..

This blog is, hereafter, out of bounds for parents, especially my parents, homophobes, nerds(bhargav exempted), pregnant women(lisa kudrow exempted), heart patients, pedophiles(siddharth kaul exempted), bitches and pseudo-secularists, and hypocrites(me exempted)....

hope you enjoy..

Still the next best thing

2007-05-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

Spotted

"Journalism ails from its perception. Blogging, from its own structure, and the very people constituting it." - Anonymous

"Blogging will always remain the next best thing. Anyway you look at it." - Anonymous

Ouch!..

p.s. - I couldnt have agreed more.

Royal Crackheads

2007-05-17T05:02:00.000-07:00

Our trigger happy Prince Harry's long time wish to get his head count(kill count) to increase manifolds just hit a roadblock. He is, much to the celebration of the british army posted in Iraq, not really going to the battlefield.
The interesting thing is, everybody except the redhead himself has greeted the news with celebratory dinners. The soldiers in Iraq dont want him, their wives and children dont want him to go, lest their spouse be in the line of fire, and ofcourse, the royal family isnt complaining either. A special mention of Prince William who wants his bro to be by his side in his moment of self- inlflicted crisis(he recently broke up with his gal..yes ppl, even the prince is in the same boat as us..(SP, Pj, Nik, me, William, AB Vajpayee, and Himesh Reshammiya)..
The prince had initially threatened to quit the army if his appointment to the blood soaked land was taken back. And his plea was actually considered!..Please, make sure this news doesnt reach any of our Hurriyat Conference people, who threaten to quit every time they have the urge to pee.
Nevertheless, his 'i threaten to quit' file probably will now lie with the 'i have more plans'-the tony blair one...

And, btw, what is all the fuss about Charles doing an autobiographical movie?..He's using an ass double for the sex scenes though..Appropriate enough..

Conversations of my kind

2007-05-02T05:59:00.000-07:00

P: Tell me frankly Pourush, am I beautiful?

Me: Well, do I have reasons to believe that it might jeopardise my future interactions(and lodgings) in the future, if the answer isnt quite favourable to you?

P: Oh c'mon, that's the last thing you should be worried about. Shoot...

Me: I fell for you some dog years back. You were real beautiful then. You lost out some bit with time. You probably hit rock bottom in record time! And then, you vanished. You vanished with all you had. You vanished from the world around you, and all you did was just confine yourself, within yourself. I didnt see much beauty in that. I still dont.
Then, just when you were a lost chapter, a had been, in everybody's eyes, you resurfaced. This time, your beauty exceeded the comprehension of many a drooling male groups. And the best part was,you hardly seemed to care. The earlier in-your-face girl had now sobered up. You had grown intelligent by leaps and bounds. One could have thrown in all adjectives and would still curse himself for his limited vocabulary, coz you would still be standing there, grossly under-complimented(if thats a word!). You were a lady. You had the grace now.

And now, when all around you seem struggling and fighting for space, you have elevated yourself above everybody else, and created a niche for yourself, a space that nobody could venture out to occupy, coz they dont know it exists. And there you shall be, undefeated by time, a silent victorious smile on display, a celebration within yourself. That, is beauty. I dont know if I've answered the question within the parameters of the question itself. Have I?

P: I have all the reasons to believe you have.

Much ado for nothing

2007-05-01T23:55:00.000-07:00

Chennai..Besant nagar..CCD..friends..jobless..

"Kareena kapoor is shit! Period."
And there she said it. Some guys ran for cover, some died that very moment, the allegation was too much for them.
Others, like me, braced up to defend the kapoor babe. We had to. She questioned our taste, our love for adoring our desi on-screen cleavage goddess, and most of all, our choice of fantasising her while shooting blanks(SP only).

I sprung into action. Her knight in shining armour had come to her rescue. "You are so wrong gal. She is our answer to the blonde(read dumb) Pamela 'big' Anderson. And after Jockey, she's the next best thing to naked for guys like SP, and Varun.

Deb: What nonsense. 'If looks could kill, she would have been charged with suicide! She even lacks the basic intelligence to know that Euthanasia is not a member of the Asian Cricket Council! Last time someone asked if she supports Euthanasia, she replied yes, and would like to have a concert for her fans there!..

Me: 'Intelligence?!! You have no right to insult her like this. Who cares for intelligence or common sense from a babe who knows to flaunt, and flaunt well at that!. And why would she ever do it if she had brains?!! And, on the same line of thought, look at whats happening to your intelligent actresses out there. Ayesha Jhulka said yesterday that she's waiting for good scripts to come her way where she's the lead actress. No comments on how appropriately she's using her 'freedom of choice'! And dont even get me started on Preity Zinta with her 'pink' advertisements and BSNL best bitchings.

Deb: Whatever! I need a coffee, Kareena needs sense. I will get mine real easy, and sadly she still has a long way to get hers. And btw, who said she's beautiful?

Now was the time for Varun to come out of the dead and throw in his expert(yuck, boring, killing) comment. "Kareena can act, talk Chameli. Kareena is cute, watch Refugee. Kareena is, intelligent enough to ignore this conversation thats going nowhere. Now if you'll please let me finish my Frappe and help me justify why my coming to Chennai was worth it!

It turned out to be the final nail in the coffin. But somebody forgot to tell Bhargav that, coz two minutes into the next talk on some pass out coming in wth his gal, he blurted out, 'I like Kareena. She is good. Wotsay Amrita?'

Period.

Of Smoke rings And 6.42%

2007-04-23T04:26:00.001-07:00

Inflation rates and the complex algorithms put in place for the same were never clearer, as they stand today, to any living being who knows the only thing common between Red n White and 'bravery' is that they are completely different. And never was the term 'Ignorance is bliss' so universally understood, and embraced.

This post chooses to ignore the rants of the self-proclaimed sane(read faggots) minds, who still believe they can convince a joey against smoking while in the act!!

Last month, a news confronted many a ringo stars on a fine morning. Cigarrette costs had gone up by nearly a rupee. For each brand. Score!, for the patriots and the lawmakers cashing in on the progressive ride for a smoke free India. An unstated national mourning was observed by all Call Center employees(Night shift especially) and engineering students in wake of the same. Monthly budgets were re-planned, and dope gangs had their usual drop outs who thought this was their cue to jump to the non-smoking zone. Ever anxious parents bought each and every excuse pulled in by their sons/daughters for the required extra amount, and about the drop outs, well, they came back, to the last count.
One of the distinguished members of a gang, present in each one of em, the ones who take the sunday newspapers and their morning dose to the toilet, read about a word extensively used by the Left parties to blame everything(Sex/Sting scandals being an exception), 'Inflation'. Word got out, and by evening all knew their curse word.
'The govt has failed to keep inflation in check', they went about, discussing it over now-so-hush-hush groupie drag sessions.
'We gotta do something abt it! This is Anarchy!', said one, and went to sleep. He had taken his last long drag.

The stressed out Air-Hostesses took it harder than most. They had to now balance between two shifts of Pilot bjz and handjobs. Their alternative, to cut down on personal accessories and Habib haircuts didnt go down well, and the lady suggesting the same had to be chucked out of the discussion panel.

The pan wallahs moved in quickly. They re-structured their joints, and in a strategic move, passed out local kolahpuri cigars as their finest cuban counterparts. Even though the move backfired, the first lesson for 'Chapter:Oppurtunity and Market analysis' was learned.

The present scenario, a rather subdued anger state for many, isnt quite encouraging either. Now, the filters are not spared either, and long forgotten discussions on the lengths of the cigarrettes has rightfully sprung back to life.

Thank you for smoking.

Sprint or Hurldes?..

2007-04-16T08:46:00.001-07:00

She has the warmest of smiles around..
She digs into the 'holy geeta' right aftr her exams..
She resembles Vatsala, bigtime..
No wonder she has 'yours truly' drooling over her in no time..

Its being more of a task than an adventure, this one..More so(luv the word) when its becoming painfully obvious each passing day that im way out of my league..The magic touch is gone..Im rusty..
Thought it'd be an easy ride to 'bye bye single status'..Need a little more(a lot more) than tht seniorish smileys getting across at her..

Vertically Challenged : Standing Tall

2007-03-06T18:39:00.001-08:00

Priya

Take an extrovert, an out n out-spoken one at that, nevermind the sanity of mind, mash a combination of the psyche of an overnight success and a struggler, give it the vibes of a middle-aged fortune teller, and shrink the final product by half. You have a 'Priya' right there. An inspiration for some, a success story of sorts, and a oppurtunist case study for me. Interestingly, I am the one who plays the helpless job-ridden moron whenever we are together. We are always solving problems that she somehow finds out in me with one look. I wont say she's any bad with that work, but just not quite there. And, her problems?..Well, here's how that works..She puts it on the table, for a talk over a coffee. She speaks, I listen. And when I am tired of listening, she speaks some more. And, unfailingly, I always figure a way out, sometimes a consolation in the midst of chaos. I spell it out. It is outrightly rejected. I suggest an improved solution, only by the looks of it though. A modified version of the same form. Something favourable to her. But, to no avail.
"You are a stupidly stubborn lady, u know that?! U should know that. People dont listen to me for no shit. I am practical. My suggestion is workable, practical, and easy on you! What else do you want?!!". I feel like walking out, with the end of those very words. I wish reality was as easy as the imaginary world. I dont walk out. I keep sitting, gulping the words down my own throat, with an idiotic half torn smile. She catches it immediately. She is sharp. (She is very sharp). It ends as a stalemate, and i hear it later over the phone how the problem was dealt with. Needless to say, her way always turns out to be the better one. Score!
Every moment spent with Priya, is pure fun. She may not the most funniest of people around, but she sure knows what fun is. And that's good enough, for me to ring her up the first thing, whenever I am in town. (expand...)
I dont particularly remember having any awkward moments with Priya, Unlike with Vatsala, except one. Yup, that's all. Not that I regret it ever happened. The situation, and the emotional quotient involved, most of all, has lead it to be permanently imprinted in my mind. It was in the evening of our farewell party. The continuation party. I hadnt attended the farewell, which has an interesting story of its own, and after hearing from truckloads of people what a pretty picture Priya made, with a 'Seedha-pallu' pink saree, I eagerly waited to see her, to atleast catch a glimpse of the remains of that morning in her. I dont know how it all could have been possible. But, that's not the point. She arrived late. And I was too high with the trance music(liquor, and dope was a strict no-no for me back then) that the Dj had been playing. I failed to notice her arrival. And her subsequent storming out too. I saw her pretty late. We were on the dance floor. She was dancing. And I quote, if Priya does that stuff out on the streets, well, thats a big big traffic jam just waiting to happen! If not anythng, shes definitely gonna give Shaimak a run for his money. Anyway, our eyes met. Naturally, I had to move to her side, for a 'much looked forward' heavenly dance together with her, an arms in arms jig. Things could have taken off from there. But hey, its me we're talkin abt! I choked. I had to make the move. But I screwed up. With a jammed mind, and a sad step to top it all, I kept jumping embarassingly all around her. She, and a lot others, tried hard not to laugh, but their resistance gave in. My dancing(if u could've called it that), ironically, didnt.The moment had passed.The bird had been let off free.She escaped, from my clutches. Though in the real sense, I just blocked out. Maybe she just waited for her guy to come up, and earn his reward. I didnt see her after that, until very late, nearing the end. She was leaving. And, she left. The brief moments in between wherein we walked hand in hand, and dropped her at her place, are all a blur to me.

The purpose

2007-01-31T02:28:00.000-08:00

The real meaning now stands out. It was never about us. The whole place's a boulevard, with self righteous ignorant culprits, disillusioned by their own reasoning, fighting it out with all their might.
They know they are wrong.
Still they pursue.
And, that, is very dangerous.
Wrong them no more,
fight them no more,
Let them pass by.
Give them ur ear, not ur mind.
They aint worth it.
They aint men enough to stick up to it either.
They are dark, of their own doings.
Ignore them.
They will collapse, of that Im sure.

Their defeat lies in our inaction, for action provoked them further.
They expect a step, u take one back.
They expect you to hit back, you give them he finger, and walk away.

Dont join a resistance force, to protect all.
Be a force, for your own self.

Detached, for good

2007-01-31T02:08:00.000-08:00

A change at heart,
An unruly, rather noisy mind
Whisked away by the guardians of silence,
An ignorant fool, justifying
its distance from intelligence,
taped down from the mouth,
A dead calm rising,
from the very foundation
of the raging youth,
I need no answers,
I know,
there are
no answers now.

Maybe I've realised
that it isnt worth it,
bringing about a revolution,
Maybe the world
is too fucked up,
Or maybe,
I've just detached myself
for no reason at all.

Fuck it..No more life boggling question marks, no more killing myself, no more guilt.
The world is upside down, Im doin no good stickin to 'whats right'.
Let the answer just be '42', n get over wth it.
No more hope, sympathy, care, attention.
No more love.

Im goin places now.

ROHYPNOL

2007-01-28T22:14:00.000-08:00

A date rape drug?!!!..
They mean to say, that if I am a rapist, n I've been waiting in the shadows for my prey to come out in the night(or day, all the same in delhi) for qite some time now, my job just got easier!..I can drug the woman with mighty ease, get her to bed, do my thingy, throw the unconscious body somewhere, n she wont remember a thing in the mrng?!!!..awesome!!..

2007-01-14T01:01:00.000-08:00

Have you discovered yourself?

Chapter III

2007-01-02T06:56:00.000-08:00

nthng like 'u n i'

- The Perishers

We spent some time
together walking
Spent some time just talking
about who we were
You held my hand
so very tightly
And told me what we
could be dreaming of
There’s nothing like you and I

We spent some time together drinking
Spent some time just thinking
about days of joy
As our hearts started
beating faster
I recalled your laughter
from long ago
There’s nothing like you and I

We spent some time together crying
Spent some time just trying
to let each other go
I held your hand so very tightly
And told you what I would be
dreaming of

There’s nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?
There’s nothing like you and I

Thrz nthng like 'u n i'

2006-12-26T07:07:00.000-08:00

Chapter I

The irony, lies not in the stark realisation that struck me a few autumns later, but in the fact that it was a writing on the board always, only I failed to notice it. Or maybe I chose, not to notice.

Chapter II

I met her, in not-so ordinary circumstances. On a more precise scale, it was rather embarrasing for the both of us. We both were atheletes in our respective classifications. No, this is not the embarrassing part. She, a shot-putter, and myself, a long distance runner. In my first october in the new school, we went for a zonal meet. We had just finished our first free practice session in the main field in the arena, and all but the coach were cooling it off as practically none of us had an event planned for the day. I, being a newcomer, had my own nervous blues to comprehend with. Aimless gazes in all directions possible were not helping my cause. So, I decided to concentrate on something. There was a dog strolling in the far field, which I could see thorugh a space between two legs, possibly belonging to a girl. They were waxed.
Legs!
This was bliss. They were, by far, the awesomest pair of a thigh-n-below combo I had ever come across. J lo could never have a perfect bum, but this faceless girl(my eyes had not yet seen the face of the owner of the pair) had the perfect legs. I thanked Lee Cooper silently, for, if it wasnt for their ultra-mini shorts that she was wearing, that eye candy view would've gone amiss. I never fail to thank them still. Anyway, oblivious to the presence of a strong 30 odd contingent, including her, I fixed my gaze, and my love-for-beautiful-legs, at them. If they were cheeks, they would have been the most sought after, to fondle with. Not that you cant play with legs either. I would have given my gold medal(that i never won) to touch and carress them. I still would.

Full, fair thighs, and admiringly streamlined lower muscles to compliment them. A truly well thought of structure! Im sure Howard Roark would've stamped his approval on this.

I didnt move my gaze off her, and neither did she move her assets an inch. She was deep in coversation with the captain. Suited me fine. One could never have got bored with the view.

I got an impression I was being watched. But I couldnt have cared less. I was floating, sleeping over their softness, tickling the velvety touch that moved on every sensation. I was loving it. But, every hero has his share of villianeous confrontations. I WAS being watched.

One of her friends, now pretty well known to me too, noticed my little mischief.
She said - 'Look!', to everybody. Fortunately for me, she didnt specify the direction!
(('Thank you Shruti. Your fumbled excitement saved me the blushes.'))
I quickly moved my gaze away, replacing my menacing look, with an ever so innocent glance to something I dont remember now. It saved me some face though. But, the major damage had already been done. She, not relenting, riding on her 15 seconds of fame, said, to me-'kahan dekh rekh ho janaab?'..A victorious smile(not looking good on her) proudly on display, on her face.

I had nothing to say. Caught with a blood-red dagger in hand. A sheepish smile, a few mumbled words, and a I-hate-you reaction later, all forgot about it. Except me. And shruti I guess. I say this because whenever I meet her now, I see that same old probing look in her eyes. Gets me scared, sure thing.

I believe Kiran was herself embarrassed by the whole turn of events. However, on second thoughts it might also be possible that due to the absolute absence of any form of verbal communication on the above stated since then, she might as well have forgotten all about it.

I had noticed her in school(it was hard not to) more than a couple of times before, and had her Bio-data by my first afternoon in school, courtesy my ever so 'generally aware' mates. However, She probably noticed me after that incident.
(to be contd....)

IRONY Unbound - Bhullakad das

2006-11-09T07:00:00.001-08:00

It happened that evening. I had the chance to visit an old age home. I went with a couple of friends, to oblige ourselves of the community service pledge that we took not so long ago. We went in.

The scene was quite the usual, as one watches in the movies. An uneventful air filling the room, the television running at full volume, n more than half of the oldies searching for their hearing aids. Hema Malini's interview was on..now how could they hav ever missed tht?!!..

Newyz, one of my friends pointed out, "hey, why is the 'reading room' locked?.."
I knew the answer."Its not of much use if they are bound to forget what they read, the very next day, is it?"
Startled, she asked,"And, why is that?"
In a dismissive tone, i said,"C'mon dont u know that?.its not an ordinary old age home. Its for the people who have that disease..."
Right then, a curious resident came up, n said, "Ya, we are suffering from...uuhhh..ahem...wait, i know"..
The dumb ass made it worse for he old man.."Tell me na, What disease?!!"
I siad, "Arre, that memory loss thing yaar..its very common in old age..the names's just slipping out..."
The old man then put me out of my misery, he said, "Its Alzhiemer's son. We suffer from Alzhiemer's disease."
He remembered!!..

IRONY

2006-11-08T11:13:00.000-08:00

My friend of mine just moments ago brought this interesting irony to my notice. Using the dictionary mode in the cell, he typed in 'selected'. Now, for other possible words of the same arrangement, the first one tht popped up was 'rejected'. They say a thin line separates the two..it sure does, a very thin line.

2006-11-07T06:52:00.000-08:00

Of all the people rumbling n denouncing the 'unfortunate' incident and the indecent gesture on part of the Aussies, one man is sure gettin his molar 'gold' tooth visible all through the day..Jagmohan Dalmiya would be laughing out of his wits!!..A 'post'match fixing arrangement mr. Dalmiya, this?..

2006-11-06T13:08:00.000-08:00

Last nite, I had trouble sleeping. In my dream, I saw this frail african boy with an amputated arm, mocking at me. He had a placard in hand that said - YOU THINK YOU HAVE FREEDOM.

Sleep still eludes me. I dont want to see him again. Im content with my self-righteous world and the ignorance that I present myself upfront with, to relieve myself of worrying about the world around me, or that which affects me, one way or the other.

Leave me alone boy. I dont want the eternal awakening. I am lucky I am not you. And I dont want to go into,
"what if i was?"..

2006-10-30T07:03:00.000-08:00

And as the cursed souls prepare for their doomed journey for hell, two angels sit above and weep.

Jessica : (sobbing)..I am so deep hearted today.And confused. I should be happy. Santosh has been convicted. I see hope for myself and my family. but, I am sad. I dont know why.

Priyadarshini : I know sis. You are sad because his two year old daughter has been robbed of a chance to grow up like normal people. Like u and i did. She will suffer. Where no life was to be harmed, 3 have been condemned. What drives people like Santosh?..And, i am sad because, somehow I dont see this as my victory. I am still dead. I still sit here, crying in despair for that one conversation with my mom, and dad.
No, I dont want revenge. I want to help Santosh and people like him all around this place, the disturbed souls seeking to satiate their greed, on the expense of others.

Jessica : Come here sis. I want a shoulder to cry on.

Priyadarshini : And i want a head to console. Wheres Hetal, our little angel? I told her to be here by this time.

Jessica, its u now

2006-10-30T06:50:00.000-08:00

The court's much applauded verdict to award death penalty to Santosh kumar should come as no surprise to some.
'Justice delayed, but not denied'. that is what Indiatimes says in its caption. Hailing the 'media'(a welcome respite for the journalists), Priyadarshini's brother conceded that if it weren't for the awareness that the media cretaed about the lower court's acquittal of santosh, this day would'nt have been possible. So, for once,

"A job well done Boys. you deserve the bouquets this time around. Do it for Jessica now."..

Yes, do it for Jessica. I am with you. We all are.

2006-10-27T06:31:00.002-07:00

Diary of a messiah-Conversations with god
page1

So, What's the deal..Lets be very clear here. I go in, try to make remind your people that

1. there's love and splendour all around.
2. happiness is not to be found, it is something to be experienced, in you.
3. the almighty watches above us, be rest assured of your life. It's coming out just fine.
4. Karma and Dharma do not complement God, they are God!..god, u sure abt this?..coz im gonna b shredded on tht thought literally..
5. America needs to be woken up.
6. Take Mush at gun point, n show the world what a sissy he is, as he shits in his pants. You better be good on the timing front.
7. The 'sadhus' and the 'karmayogis', is nothing but pseudo bullshit.

And what do i get?..

1. A life full of hate n doubt from all around.
2. A yellow robe, n an empty bowl, to beg(n by this, Im supposedly doing them a favour!!).
3. Pretentious people all around, waiting to slit my throat for encroaching on their self-proclaimed jobs'.
4. An honorary title, "the madman of the east".
5. A painful death.

Less chances of success(n im being considerate), certainity of pain n suffering..What am i waiting for?!!

But, God, one last question. You sure u know what u're doin?..(an approving nod)..alrighty then..here i go..

Marlon Samuels?!!!!!!!!!WTF..

2006-10-27T05:58:00.001-07:00

What did he do on this earth, ever, to come out triumphs under prssure n hit tht ball to the fence!!!..No, something is terribly wrong in here..

60 balls 59 runs to win..7 wickets in hand..Windies are cruising..but still u u know sumthng is gonna happen..so, u stay on..
12 balls 10 runs to win..6 wickets in hand..Windies are cruising, wth a smiling lara out in the middle..but still u know sumthng is gonna happen, sumthng real gud..so, u chuck ur buk, n u stay on..
3 wickets in quick succession..u knew sumthng was gonna happen!!..now why wudnt u stay on for more..
3 balls 4 runs..'Marlon Samuels' hits..'its all over.the clock's run out, over, blow!!'..snap back to reality..n u move on..despondent..wondering...'Why Marlon Samuels?!!'..others..'Who is Marlon Samuels?!!i told ya, agarkar sucks..Dravid can never be aggressive..He should've given the ball to sachin..Our bowling deptt sucks..Pawar shud've played..(no this post is not abt the xpert comments..but why not one..sumtime else..)'..

Ofcourse, we all know Marlon Samuels' walk to fame..his massive fours off shane warne down under, elephant years back..

I am a firm believer in the law of averages. Yes, its all been calculated....n walking(counting each step) back to my room..i think..Something is not happenin as per plans here..Marlon Samuels was just not the guy..Runako Morton, Sarwan..agarkar(count him out for the crucial wides though..)..anybody, but him..

N yet he is..livin his night of glory..chuck it..

Spirit Rebellious

2006-10-20T01:48:00.000-07:00

The spirit is rebellious. I am a happy-go-lucky person. But, for some strange reason, my spirit and soul beg to differ. It seeks grief when I am at the altar of happiness. It seeks hate and doubt, when I commit myself to love. I tried to make a truce with them once. I meekly surrendered to their wishes and did as told. But, they were never satiated. I had to turn a rebel myself.
Today, when I analyse what they made me to do, I am sure of one fact. They are just as confused as I am. My soul seeks Nirvana and salvation in the heart of desire(s). My spirit goes awry at the first indication of celebration, and then wants to go back into its cocoon half way through.
They are just fooling around. They exist only to befriend me when I need them the most. They teach me unforgettable lessons, lessons I didnt opt to be taught, and wash their hands of it, deeming it as 'worthwhile experiences'.

To know who you are, you should knw who you are not.

Shoot the man who said this. He doesnt know an inkpot from a shitpot. Shoot him before he comes up with another arse numbing dose of his self-righteous sayings.

My soul searches for light at the end of the tunnel, and doesn't let me switch the torch on, for it fears the spirit's happiness would take a hit by the revealation that we took 'external assistance' to perform a task.
I was of the impression all my life until now, that these two rogues are my guides. Now i know, they are not. They are as naive as I am. They are as vulnerable as I am.

The oppressed should be taught who his real master is.

Its not god. Its not the almighty that directs my soul to choose a certain path, either of love or fear. It's me. It has taken me 21 years to realise this. But, I have realised it. I have the power. I have the choice. Its not the inner voice in me that controls me. I control my inner voice. My soul and spirit are my slaves, not my masters. They should know that. And if they don't, they fuckin will, in due course of time.

Happy Diwali!...Count me out...

2006-10-20T01:24:00.000-07:00

All the countless reasons that I would take consolation from to celebrate Diwali this year can never overpass the one reason why I don't want to. I am away from home. I am 2 years away from my home, my family, my bro. Though i have all my friends I need and would spend my time anyway, with, on Diwali, I feel shallow.
And i know my folks down there aren't into the festive spirit either.
I dont cry often. And i am not surprised by this realisation. But I am not surprised that my eyes are all moist right now either, beacuse i know that my folks too have their sobs running right now.
I love my family. They love me too.
I complete my family.
And. for a reason not worth this grief(read exams), my family is not complete today. Neither am I.

tujhse zindagi, hai yeh keh rahi, sab to paa liya, ab hai kya kami,
yun to saare sukh hain barse, par door tu hai apne ghar se,
aa laut chal tu ab deewane, jahan koi tujhe apna maane,
awaz de tujhe bulaye, yehi des.

Dad, I see the moment in front of me. You have a running fever, but, still, here you are, sitting outside in the cold wrapped up in shawls, to see me burst crackers.

Mom, there you are. Cooking those ever delicious pooris, withthe mouth watering dessert. And there I am, persuading you to come out and see me, excel in my adventure.

And, bro, there you are. Running all over the place, with your toy gun. I see you passing by me occassionally, with that gleam in your eyes.
And in your eyes I see myself. Proudly presenting a show for all of you, hoping each time I burst a cracker, to see you stand in awe and applaud.

I miss my family.
Happy diwali, all of you.

2006-10-16T04:11:00.000-07:00

God : Your end is here.
Man : Not if you grant me the power, to create.
God : You deem yourself as a self-sufficient being. Learn yourself.
Man : (determined) Evolution is my birthright. And i shall have it.

2006-09-09T01:45:00.000-07:00

The conversation

On my recent visit to banglore, I witnessed an interesting incident in Cafe Coffee Day, Brigade road. It was an animated conversation between a couple, who were, experiencing a kind of slump in their love, and a stranger. The whole talk was easily audible to anyone who put in a curious ear in that direction, and I had two!! This is what happened..
Scene -I

She : (with a red face)You know why im pissed of with u?!!U really wanna know that?!!!..U know what, i know u dont wanna know why im angry with u, and thts xactly why im so pissd off!!..
He : (in a surprised manner)what the hell does that mean?..
She : It means, u crazy motherfucker, that u dont care what i feel, u jus want a gal with looks to sit rite besides u, whom u can fuck, and throw insulting remarks with ur crazy out of the world theories, that only i fucking care to discuss!!....I am pissed off bcoz all u do is 'hear' me, not 'listen' to me, when we hav a talk, and then bombard me with all kinda shit that goes against my very fundamental faith in everythng i believ!!..U r never convinced at whatever argument i put thru, u never even care to give it a second thought....I am no stressball mister, which u can press when in trouble and then keep bouncing as n when u please..
He : (a more surprised tone)What are u talkin abt???!!
She : Exactly my point!!..
He : Are u , in any way, trying to say that i DO NOT consider u 'human'?..Coz if u r, u r so very wrong..I respect u, I consider ur body to be the most beautiful in this whole god damn world..I respect ur opinions, bt its just that u r so weak in justifying ur arguments, and u support them with only one supreme fact, "god"!!..And, when u come to think of it, U havnt even been able to convince me of ur almighty's presence too!!..I just want u to have a different perspective at the way u look at things..U look at a beautiful flower and u praise god, u wake up and thank god, u look outside and stand in awe of 'god's 'beauty..But, u dont know what, or who' god is!!..I just wanna show u the different side of the coin, the real side..I want u to wake up and absorb the warmth of the sun, and not be grateful to any supreme being, whoz existence in the first place is in dispute. I want u to look at me and not thank god or the stars for bringing me into ur life. Stars hav nthng to do wth it. They are a result of an 'explosion'!!, which has been scientifically proven. Does ur 'god' have a basic proof of his existence?..I know he doesnt. U know he doesnt. but u r just not ready to believ it. U were brainwashed by ur parents, by the ppl around u, by the ppl who wrote those supposedly 'holy books'..And mind u, they were the same ppl killing those who said the earth was round!!..
I just want u to think, logically!..
She : And what then..I think we have gone thru over and over again and all u hav done is shut me off, always..I dont wanna discuss it nemopre, coz im over it. I just want to te....(he interrupts)
He : When was the last time we ever had a decent conversation?
She : We never had one!..And u wanna know why?..Look at the mirror if u wanna know why..

Suddenly, he takes her to the restroom to their left. He closes the door behind her. I hear some noises, kinda moans, very vague though. they come out in roughly 10 minutes. She comes out first, angry as ever she was, a little less maybe, and takes her seat. He comes out later, stroking his misplaced hair back in position, in a very relaxed and slow manner.

He : See, the thing is, we are goin through a rough patch lately. I called you here to talk to u abt it and get us back to where we were, bcoz, I believe they were the best moments of my life, and urs too....Tell u what, I'll bring u sum coffee to wash ur anger down, and then we'll talk some sense then..I'll hav cappucino, What do u want?..
she : Fuck you!!
He : I'll bring u somethin chilled then, how abt kappi nirvana?..
She : Like i care!!
He : Kappi nirvana, it is then!!..I'll be right back..

(Enter stranger..)
Him : Lady, may i please sit down?..
(Now, this stranger was not above 40, well built, heavy accent, a dignified persona..he was reading 'love in the time of cholera', by gabriel garcia marquez)

(oh yes, one more thing, he was a tourist!! from russia i gues, his accent gave me that impression..oops, srry)

Him : i overheard ur heated conversation from there, with minimal efforts actually, and thought of dropping by to calm things down.
(the 'lady' was a mix between demi moore and catherine zeta jones, a lethal combo!!)
(I hated tht tourist, not bcoz i myself wanted to drop by and say hi to her, but bcoz he blocked my view of her 'bossom'..what lovely pair....it explained clearly why the guy didnt want to let go of her, well, thats what i think!!...and, with her red face and deep pink sensuous lips, she looked so damn hot!!..)
(..newyz..)
She : There isnt much to talk abt in this. He's at fault here , u know, but he wont give in until he reaches his grave..
Him : Then why are u still talkin him into it?..
She : I dont mind trying..
Him : Maybe i can try it out with u..
She : I dont mind, if u tell me why u wud want to do tht..
Him : I am a spiritualist. I am also a yoga instructor, back in russia(so I was right!!). And, i believe in god. Just like u do. I know you are right bcoz i've seen and observed things from closer than any man has ever done. Maybe i can help u and convince ur man.
She : Wow! Be my guest!!!..

(He enters. And, 'he' does have an apetite!!..He brings with him, a cappucino, a kappi nirvana, two chicken grilled sandwiches, with extra cheese, a doughnut the size of her assets, and a scoop of what looks like whipped cream with chocolate wafers!!)

He : I was feeling hungry too. Here's ur drink....and, may i help u mister?...I see tht u dont look like someone we know, and ur color suggests u dont know nebdy in this country altogether!!..How may i help u, and why are u sitting in my chair..
(She giggles, obviously amused at the man's polite murder..)
Him : I just thought i'd drop by n say hi to this beautiful lady, n u ofcourse. And for the record, I do know someone from this country. I learnt my profession here.
He : And what is ur profession anyway..
Him : I am a yoga instructor, in russia.
She : Will u sit down now smart pants, ofcourse, if ur FBI interrogation is over?!!

(He takes a chair from my booth ans sits down, moving the tourist a lil' bit. Enough for me to resume my 'gazing at u-know-wat'..I thanked the guy silently)

He : So, What is ur name mr. yoga instructor?..
Him : My name is Andrew, and that is all u need to know rite now.
She : Hey, why didnt I ask u for tht?!!..Neway, my name is kiran, and this Sidd..(He interrupts, again)..
He : Siddharth, and not very pleased to meet u.

(Now switching to the names..)

Andrew : I dont mind that. I dont see a reson why u shudnt, bt that's ok. I dont really care if u call me dick either!!..what i..
Siddharth : Then we'll call u dick..Suits me fine..
Kiran : Why dont u know when to shut up Sid!!..U continue Andrew, u were saying sumthng..

(I'll go with sid..i'll change andrew's name to dick..after all, he blocked my view, such a d***!!..)

Dick : Yes, ofcourse. So, siddharth, why dont u believ in god?..
Sid : (after weighing his reply)Ok, first of all, U call me 'siddharth'. I let only only those ppl call me 'Sid' who hav a hole and,I hav a permission to enter that hole. I suppose u dont hav the kind i want, so i dont care if u permit me or not. Its 'Siddharth' for u, plain n simple.
Kiran : How did i ever meet u?!!U r such a moron Sid..Look, this man's been kind enough to come up here and offer his presence as he thought he cud be of some help here. Atleast he's better than that silly guy over there whoz been doin nthng bt staring at my boobs the whole time.

(Shit!! she was talkng abt me! She was looking at me!!..Why am i still gazing at her ...?..Shit!shit!shit!...)

(I got up, picked up my book, and ran down the stairs, out of the cafe , half expecting Sid running after me to snatch off my eye balls!!)

It had been 20 minutes since i had come out(rather, chickened out) of the cafe. I went for my wallet. It wasnt there. "Shit! I've been cursed today!!..I must've left it there itself.."
After much altercation with my own self, I decided to go back and face the situation like a man..a man scared out of his wits!!..

I silently walked up the stairs, expecting the worst. I could hear Kiran shouting at the top of her lungs. I took a step back. I took two steps back. then, i waited on the stirway and put my ever curious ear to their talk,again.

Kiran : U never cease to amaze me Sid!! Dont give me tht look, I am being Sarcastic!!..U never listen. We talk and talk and talk, and then, we fight!!!n go on fighting!!..This sucks Sid..I hate this life..
Sid : What have i done?!!..I was calmly trying to persuade Mr. Andrew to change his perception for a moment n look at things my way..He doesnt want to look at it my way. He z taking the same route as u do.
Kiran : Dont u see the point?!! We are both right. U r the troubled one!!..
Andrew : Hey Sid, why dont u just let go of her, let her lead her own life, u go ur way..She wants her god with her, and u cant do a fuck abt it!!..
Sid : Kiran, i dont want u to listem to this guy. He doesnt know shit. Fuck u Andrew!!.
Kiran : Fuck u Sid!!..

Suddenly, Sid takes Kiran by the hand and takes her to the restroom again..Isieze my oppurtunity. I go up, tak my wallet and am abt to run down, when i hear moans from the restroom, again..This time, they are much louder than before..I choose to stay and listen to it..Andrew is as confused as i am!!..
They come out after 11 minutes, Kiran placing her displaced hair back in position, and Sid buckling up his belt.

Kiran ignores Andrew and me(thank god!!), walks rite off to the stairs and down in no time.
Sid comes up to Andrew, and says, "That was even better! thank u so much Andrew!"..
Sid walks past me, saying "Why are u so petrified?!!Im not even gonna touch u!!"..I dont understand..

They both vanish in a matter of seconds. Both Andrew and me have a look of total astonishment on our faces..
Andrew lmanages a smile in due time..He goes back to his booth, heaves a sigh, and starts staring out of the window, half centered his eyes on me.
I, on the other hand, take my wallet, give a puzzled look and start to walk out. Andrew calls out,
"Hey, dont u get it?!! It was never abt god in the first place!!"..
I say, "I know tht! What i dont understand is why i didnt get it when they went in the first time!!"..
We both laugh out loud.

2006-08-25T13:39:00.000-07:00

MY FRIEND
Kahlil Gibran

My friend, I am not what I seem. Seeming is but a garment I wear -- a care-woven garment that protects me from thy questionings and thee from my negligence.

The "I" in me, my friend, dwells in the house of silence, and therein it shall remain for ever more, unperceived, unapproachable.

I would not have thee believe in what I say nor trust in what I do -- for my words are naught but thy own thoughts in sound and my deeds thy own hopes in action.

When thou sayest, "The wind bloweth eastward," I say, "Aye, it doth blow eastward"; for I would not have thee know that my mind doth not dwell upon the wind but upon the sea.

Thou canst not understand my seafaring thoughts, nor would I have thee understand. I would be at sea alone.

When it is day with thee, my friend, it is night with me; yet even then I speak of the noontide that dances upon the hills and of the purple shadow that steals its way across the valley; for thou canst not hear the songs of my darkness nor see my wings beating against the stars -- and I fain would not have thee hear or see. I would be with night alone.

When thou ascendest to thy Heaven I descend to my Hell -- even then thou callest to me across the unbridgeable gulf, "My companion, my comrade," and I call back to thee, "My comrade, my companion" -- for I would not have thee see my Hell. The flame would burn thy eyesight and the smoke would crowd thy nostrils. And I love my Hell too well to have thee visit it. I would be in Hell alone.

Thou lovest Truth and Beauty and Righteousness; and I for thy sake say it is well and seemly to love these things. But in my heart I laugh at thy love. Yet I would not have thee see my laughter. I would laugh alone.

My friend, thou art good and cautious and wise; nay, thou art perfect -- and I, too, speak with thee wisely and cautiously. And yet I am mad. But I mask my madness. I would be mad alone.

My friend, thou art not my friend, but how shall I make thee understand? My path is not thy path, yet together we walk, hand in hand.

2006-08-21T04:10:00.000-07:00

In Class

In Class, I close my eyes. I look aroundto see the people around me. Everyone has a story to tell, a dream to live, a desire to fulfil, a choice to make.

All 46 of us, however aimless we seem to be the moment we stepped in, are heading somewhere. Tomorrow, the entire human race, and otherwise, will be dependent on us, for whatever we have to offer to them. Be it an improvement in the way they lead their life, or, in the form of a disgrace for them to pity us, and hate us.

the world will reciprocate. Whatever we do to them, they will make sure the reaction reaches us too. If i choose to be an oppressor someday, I will be made to suffer as a victim on the other. I might be 'the single largest reason' for a nuclear war(god forbid), who knows. I believ i am capable of causing such a catastrophe. I have a sane mind in the current context of matters, but, I find it very difficult to predict the condition of my own self in the years to come. What scares me most is, the rest of the 45 are like me. They will be given a choice, a crucial one.And they 'will' choose. All Satan(and his ppl) need is, one greedy mind amongst us all.

However hard the society tries and spends on us, we fail to predict what will come of us.
We may contribute heavily to make the world a tad bit more rosy and safe.
We may help an old lady cross the road.(maybe that's all we'll ever do).
We may strive hard and help our own selves in whatever way we can, all in the permitted domain of the rules.

But, the nature works on balance. I find it hard to imagine all 46 of us going ahead with our lives and ultimately staying in the goodbooks when out time of reckoning arrives. I see atleast one of us turning evil(and a very cruel one at that), and knowingly pursuing the road to the ever hungry dragon, who'll eat my friend`s goodwill and infuse in him all hatred that my poor innocent(not anymore) friend would ever feel the need of.

I want to identify him, the villian,and, eliminate him. His parents' grief is as good having him dead as seeing him standing among 'the misguided ones'.
Now, i come to the heart of the problem. I don't know who he is. It could be my friend sitting next to me. In fact, It could 'me' for all i know.
Now that i have to choose, i want the villian of my story to be that guy i hate who sits in the front. But, the larger picture prohibits me from being assuming.
The villian should stand out form the rest of the class. I want him to show up by himself.
Come on, dude, stand up, your time(that is still to begin) is up, already.

2006-08-20T02:35:00.000-07:00

Had your bath?!!

What is it that occupies your mind when you are having a harmless routine bath?..

You wake up, drag yourself into the day(some times, waking up is all healthy n fresh too, but thts not my point), get your major daily chore(s) done and over with, and then you enter the bathroom. There's nothing inside the bathroom that guides your mind to think of anything else but the bath itself. But, still, you seldom are aware of the act you are performing.
The bathing part(thats all the part there's supposed to be) is all mechanical. You can have a routine bath even while you are snoring. For me, it starts with the soap, to the shampoo, to the face wash, and ends with the water. There's something to the whole process of this routine that makes you float, that makes you wander off while your body keeps up the cleaning work going. Your brain keeps splashing the water all around you..while your mind is in a different place altogether.

Many go through the whole process in the company of songs or only tunes that makes it more rhythmic. Many start by going through the events that they are looking forward to in the day, before they come back for their next bath.
But, thats just the start. They eventually lose control over their thought process, and as i mentioned earlier, they wander off.
(this blog is not for the ones who take less than a couple of minutes for their baths..that is not called a bath in the first place)
You never think of social issues around you, say, medha patkar's hunger strike, or, the municipal corporation killing all the mad dogs.
You are never political. What happens to israel-lebanon or ayodhya doesnt matter a dime to you.
You are never spiritual. You dont see it as you are cleansing your sins that you've carried on to the next day.

In a way, for me, it is the best time of the day( read a weekend). Because I dont have a control over what i think. It's all random. It always is. Even if you have crossed a lethal deadline in your profession or otherwise, that fear or the search for solution(s), all become secondary.
It is different while crapping. While crapping, you dont move, you just stay stationery and let thing happen to you(!!). For some(read me), its a thorough mental preparation that results in a healthy productive session. Nothing of that sorts when u(i) bathe.

What is it that you actually think of(when u bathe)? I dont suppose science could ever answer this question. The scientists themselves might be victim of the phenomena too.

2006-08-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

My RoleModel slips!! I slip!!

I thought it as 'just another' wardrobe malfunction that would create a hype and die down wth the next print..But, this is here to stay i guess..

Everyone has role models. I have mine too, and luckily, someone whoz a dear friend and always has time for me whenever im on the lukout for him. I want to be him. I've been wanting that for quite some time now.

Role models are strong. They are men/women of steel and always find energy to clear those final hurdles. They find their own ways to stay in the news(not tht nbdyz complainin). They hav inpenetrable walls in n around them and u always find sumthng in them tht inspires u, always.

My role modelz walls were penetrated. And the worse part is, the unfortunate incident happend rite in front of me! And very recently.

8:20 pm

I was there, watchng cracks developing around him.

He needed help, i offered none.
He was drowning, n i kept fondling with the rope.
He wanted coffee, i gave him the checque..(out of place i know..)..
He cried, n i took out my camera and..click!!

That is all i did. Why, i know not. But i know who did it to him..it was X. But, for sum reason, i dont hate X. Rather, i wouldnt be surprised if X comes to me and justifes its act. And this is the scary part. I hav filled myself wth doubts over my role model, much to my own disappointment.

8:25 pm

He picked himself up. My role model bounced back strongly and took a stand. His eyes were full of rage and anger. He inspired me, again. We went away together, like nthng happened. I had learnt another important lesson.

8:30 pm

It struck me. What if it happens again. Will i again hav clouds of doubt if the situation arose again? That freak moment might be a signal for a whole new perspective of things yet to come. I might doubt his abilites sometime again.

8:35 pm

I'm ashamed. I turned cold when i was needed most. My moment of bravery was 'lost in trans-ition'. Sorry dear friend. I am so fucked up!..

p.s. I have nothing against X. X has nothing to do with this.

2006-08-09T12:54:00.000-07:00

The Airhostess

My name is Vineeta.
I am 43 years old.
I am, an airhostess.
I've worked with indian airlines(now indian) for the past 20 years, starting as a fresh off the block grad with looks attractive enugh to be hired as an airhostess, and since, working my way up to be the chief airhostess amongst the lot.
I am responsible for the overall work load efficieny of the complete duration of the flight, in short, the chief of services in an airplane. I greet people when they enter the plane, I look after their well being throughout the flight and ofcourse, comfort them in the best means possible. Yes, im content with my job.
But, somehow i feel im not welcome on the flight, ever. It was all different till around 5 years back, I used to date my pilots(i hardly had the same guy twice) and all the other pretty groundstaff around..Every single passenger came up to me to guide them to their seats, even the regular ones..I had fun..But not any more..

Today when people come in, they give me 'the look'(auntie, wat r U doin here!)..I dont really pay more attention than required on them(i dont say i ignore them completely), but its just that their eyes say it all and their penetrating looks sink me. Some thoughts i've been able to perfectly decrypt..
- Its a govt airline, Wat was i expeting?!!
- 6K and this wat they give me up front!!
- Oh, plz tell me shez gonna get off before the plane starts.
- My mom as an airhostess!! ya rite..
- Imagine the odds..
- My wife is prettier, im gonna give u tht!..
- christ!!
- Why god, why!!
This is what tourists from other nations have to say,
- India, never learns!!
- I shud've flown kingfisher, hope therez still time to change for the return flight.
- christ!!
- Why god, why!!

I know the looks they give me behind my back when i serve them, always. Some wise crack always passes some comment which ppl find rather amusing, but which hits me with much greater force than even the g forces acting on me, combined.

People, this is a job. One has to be good at being an airhostess to survive for this long in this industry. I am a good airhostess. I am as good as the passengers on my plane. The air hostess tag is not an 'added attraction' coupon that goes with buying the ticket. You are my guest, i am your host. Therez nothing more to it. There never was. I dont believe you pay to watch failed 'models on the ramp' changing lanes and making it big here. Go to your bars n clubs and see those fuckin sluts bare-it-all. And mothefuckas please, stop staring at our chests when we pick up your plates. you disgust us.

I have kids. I have a husband. I never put on mascara at home. But, i do that for you. I dont wake up at 3am for no reason at all. Only so that you may feel good. But, you kill me as soon as you enter through that door. I die a thousand deaths every week, for appareantly no fault of mine.

The flight ends. I stand right there at the exit wishing u a happy day. And you, you avoid a mere eye contact!
I'm sorry if i disappoint you and spoil ur plans(if thr were any, n u had the guts to execute them). the next time u come, u'll again find me. I'll give u another chance, will wish u again(half expecting the same unaltered reaction), but I'll do it. Its my job. Atleast one of us is doing his\her duty expectantly. Have a good day sir.

2006-07-24T08:14:00.000-07:00

Reality stinks!!

After 21 years of existence, this is the one fact i have recently woken myself to. i am vulnerable. the whole of me. I have no supernatural powers(a fact i clung on to since childhood untill recently) . The world is not tailor made to suit me. There is nobody who's working overtime behind the stage for me. I am not strong enough. I am vulnerable. There is nothing special in me that makes me understand any concept any quicker than any of my clssmates. I am no close to being an ideal guy, not even qualifed to be considered as a possible candidate for the same!
I have to read a book from the first page to the very end to understand the whole logic. It takes me time to form an opinion on something(read anything).
The day i realised this, i felt hollow. I felt cheated. I felt human. What if i was wrong, what if this was just a test that every superhero has to go through, the endurance test, in order to show his mentor that he is ready. Realsing that, i felt good. I slept well that night.
The next day i woke up, the first thing i had to do was put a bucket in line with all the other ones waiting to have their share of the 'bathing' water for the day. I stood there, 16th from the door, still trying to welcome myself to the new day. Then it struck me again, which superhero has ever had to wait to have a bath!! I decided to test myself. I took my bucket and stormed into the bathroom bypassing all others waiting in front of me. the next few seconds were a blur. I was on the floor outside the bathroom with the bucket(now in a crushed state), now 25th from the front. I stared at the mere mortals in front of me and laughed at them. "I forgive you!", i said out loud, for it was not their fault, they didnt know who i really was!
They laughed back at me. "Like we care!", they said in a chorus, with a dismissive tone.
I went to class(i was late) and entered without permission. I think i heard someone shout "duck!", i was too late, the professor's duster had already left my brain waves shattered. I passed out for a few seconds. I soon opened my eyes again, only to find myself face down on the floor, outside the classroom!. I let it pass. I hurriedly went to the bathroom, cleaned myself, washed my face and went out to breathe some fresh air into my lungs.
I went into the canteen and ordered a coffee. After some infinte milliseconds later, my coffee appeared. It was a small mug, by any comparison, and that too not filled up to the brim. By the time i voiced my disapproval about the same, the coffee guy was long gone. I let this pass too. I had hardly touched my coffee(my hand had just felt the heat) that i saw a fellow student slap a lecturer and run. I ran behind him. This is my chance, i thought. This is what i was born to do, help people and catch the crooks. I caught the guy by the collar and swung him back towards me. that was the only success i could enjoy against him. I was thrashed and thrown(yes, literally thrown) across the street. I thought, my time still has not come.
My days of playing the superhero ended before they saw the light of the day(the first day)!!.
I keep a low profile nowadays. I study hard and keep myself busy with things like blogging and chatting. I realise i am human. I am vulnerable. My days are numbered. I am.....you.